Belgium: Lost In The Jungle- II (The Twist)

The guy with the compass was still trying to light up his sutta and I had a feeling that he never intended to smoke it. Distance perception of the girl with the map was worse than ever and both of them had to be replaced from the lead. I took over the map and Naveen bhai started looking into the compass.

I am not sure which one is worse… to be in the lead of a lost group or to watch the back of the group in a pitch black forest. When you are at the back, there is a subtle feeling that someone is out there watching you. Your really want to look back to check, but its too scary to turn around. And trust me this can be addictive.
But when you are in the front, you don’t know what’s coming next until its there within 1 mtr of you. You get a surprise every now and then but honestly, you don’t like surprises.

“Lets stop here for a while”, someone said. May be a break can do some good to a bunch of dead tired nomads.
“Stand still, I am gonna take a pic”. Oh god, is this a picnic? We are lost for god’s sake. LOST.

FLASH
Aaarrrrghhh!!!!
“Shit, whom are you standing with? Rather what?” I turned around. Gosh.

I have no idea what it was. Looked like some dead squirrel or something, hanging from a pole. But who would have done this? “Lets take a closer look, get the torch”. Crap, we now have a FBI agent investigating X-files. “Why on earth do you want to look at something like that?”

Yaaeeeeekks!!!
“It’s the Iron Cross”. What? Oh wow… it really is the shinning iron cross with Jesus crucified across it. The first land mark. It wasn’t any dead animal or anything… it was Jesus. We are back on track. Yeeeppeee!! A wave of enthusiasm hit us. Now we just needed to follow the map properly and we will be there in no time!

We walked for the next half an hour.

“Another 500 mtr and we will be there”. Boy it had been a long night. A rather interesting one (now that we were back on track… it seemed much more interesting). “Ok guys lets do a final head count before we reach.” Ya ya as if we dont know where we are. I can see all 10 of us. Cut the crap.
“One, two, three… … … nine, ten”.
“Eleven”

Eleven? Weren’t we supposed to be ten?
I looked back… most of the guys were stupefied, blank expressions on their faces. “Who was it?”
“Don’t kid… it has already been too much of trouble tonight.”
“C’mon?”

“Dat was me.”
All of us turned in the direction of the voice… to our right. And there was this guy, lying on the ground smoking a cigar with a torn jeans and jacket, sporting what could only be called a relic of a cowboy hat.
“Where in da lord’s name have ya guys been? Have been looking for ya all over da damn place.”

Yeah of course, he was looking for us in the bushes on the roadside, half sleeping. “Who are you?”

“’Am Crap.”
What?
“Dun Crap, now c’mon ya nasty bunch… les go back. We gotta lotta stuff to do tomorrow.”

Belgium: Lost in the Jungle- I

“OK, I will watch the back”.
God where did that come from? I never knew this audacious me! Plus for god’s sake it’s the forest, pitch black and alarmingly quiet. Though we were told that there are no wild animals or any sort of danger in here, but my weak heart doesn’t care for logic.

Anyway, now that we have to find our way back through this stupid jungle to the final meeting point and all we have is a map, compass and some torches, I thought I will lead the group to victory. (From the back??)

So… here we were, in the jungle walking in files of 2 (finally Ist yr NCC came in handy), trying to find our way back through the paths, which seemed like it was hexed to restrain us from walking upright. But who cares… someone back there said it’s just a matter of an hour or two. So that’s good…. I can go and get some sleep.

The first hour passes. “I think we should have seen the Iron Cross (first land mark) half an hour ago”, said the girl with the map. “What??” said the entire group in unison. We could have walked over a kilometer in the last 30 min and that would mean that either we missed the giant of a cross, which was very unlikely, or we were off course. “Lemme check”, I said. Frankly, I never trusted the navigators. How could you, when the guy with the compass was more concerned about lightning his sutta than he was about direction and the girl checking the map thought she had walked half a mile every 10 min.

“Forget it. We are on course. We have the river on our right… that shows we are going in the right direction.”

“But dude… we were supposed to go downstream while we are going up. The river is flowing in the wrong direction! Or we are going in the opposite.”

My heart began to sink. We are lost. LOST. No shit… how can we be lost? We have the map, which has all the routes and turns. What if we had missed one?

“Ok lets go back and retrace our path till we find something familiar.” For the next hour or so, we were walking blind, looking for any sort of signs or traces. And with every min that passed we were getting tired and that made it increasingly difficult to estimate the distance traveled.

A tale of two friends

Recently, while going through my movie collection I stumbled upon a cute little movie about kids. This year’s release, Bridge To Terabithia is about two 10 year olds and their imaginary world. Jess is an aspiring yet shy boy who meets Leslie who is the new girl at school. Like Jess, Leslie has no friends and probably this kick starts their friendship.

Jess shares all his secrets with Leslie and the later finds her best mate in Jess. Together they invent a new world they call Terabithia, and it comes to life through their eyes as they explore together. It’s a beautiful world where they forget all their worries and troubles and immerse themselves in its sweetness.

But soon enough, Leslie has to go away (dies) and Jess is left all alone. He suffers much grief and is broken from the loss of his friends. But to keep alive the friendship he rebuilds Terabithia and introduces his sister to this world. And the movie ends here.

But then what? What happens to the boy after that? What happens to Terabithia? Does he forget Leslie soon after?

Perhaps not. May be he remembers the girl for the rest of his life. May be he wasn’t even capable of forgetting her. After all she was the best thing to have ever happened to him. She was the friend he would never have again.

Every night he would tell his sister the stories of Terabithia. And she would listen to him with innocence and wonder, never realizing what that friend and the world meant to him. She would not understand that it wasn’t the world but the girl in that world that made all the difference. She will enjoy the stories and like everyone else would believe in his smiling mask, while his real self would ache with enormous grief. And he would then be a loner… alone in a room full of hundred friends.

Every time he would talk about Terabithia, he would think of his friend, of the carefree times they shared, of the invisible connection they had and of the future that will never be.
Sometimes he would stay up at nights thinking of the times when she was there. There can never be a day when he won't think of her.

As the time passes, he would try to move ahead, not wanting the past to be a part of him. But it would be there, as something that he would never understand. He would think, dream, hope, frown, wonder but would never get out of her.

She will be there in his mind, in his words, in his thoughts and everywhere… for ever.

Love at First Sight

It’s been over a month since I last wrote something. And boy it has been one happening month. I would say… one of the best in the recent times.

That day was… amazing.
14th was my destination. Doesn’t normally take a long time coz the lifts are real fast these days. But that day it almost took an eternity to cross those 14 god forsaken floors!

Ground Floor
The doors opened. Wow… lucks! I noticed three girls as I entered.

Second Floor
The doors opened again and this time round my heart skipped a beat. Standing before me was one of the most amazing beauties of my time. Sporting an addidas T and a pair of white pyjamas, she had a sling bag across her front. A couple of painting brushes in her hand and strokes of color on her face said that she was a painter. Stepping in, she stood next to me and pressed 14. My heart settled down past its usual place, somewhere near the bottom.
That was my floor too!!

Fifth floor
She noticed me. There I was… in a pale ugly t-shirt with an inappropriately greased jeans (thanks to the car servicing) looking like an M F Hussain modern abstract art. Why god why? Always the wrong time!
She smiled, “Hi”. I gasped, mouth wide open. My voice was stuck inside me trying to find its way out through the proper channel. Not sure if it did mange to, but I guess I said something, which sounded like ‘Haawy’. “Hey”, said someone behind me along with some giggles. Nuts!! It wasn’t me. Crap! It was one of those times when u wish dinosaurs weren’t extinct and could be whistled at will to come and gulp you down. I went numb, fingers in mid air.

Seventh floor
I missed the exchange of next few words between her and the gal behind me. Giggling continued. Oh god!

Tenth Floor
Now it was just the two of us.
Just four floors left. It was now or never. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I dumbly stared at the buttons on the panel as if trying to decode some secret message. I thought of saying something about paintings. But I knew about paintings as much as I knew about goblin families.

Eleventh floor
I fumbled with my car keys as countless topics raced through my mind- cars, Addidas, tooth brushes, pyjamas… Gawd!! Is this all I can think of?

Twelfth floor
I was in love. The love bug acted of its own accord and somewhere between the ground and the tenth floor I was knocked out. And now it was my turn… I had to make a move. I had to say something damn it.
I felt like there was a wild stampede inside me that started somewhere near the tongue and was going down, through the stomach to the intestine.

Thirteenth floor
I forgot, there is no 13th floor in these buildings. Why all the builders have to suffer from triskaidekaphobia? An additional floor would have been handy in such a dire situation.

Somewhere near the 14th floor
“Gee… I… daught it was… u meant down dere… said Hi”.

Fourteenth floor
I could see my ears growing longer and red. I felt like a bunny rabbit. Jumping up and down.
No I think that was my heart. But what’s with the ears?
“Sorry?” she said curtly. And the doors opened. I could hear more giggles as she walked out and the doors closed back. Man…Giggling should be made illegal.

This time in past

Am not sure if I want to write this. Or rather write anything at all.

Well of course everything is fine and good!
I have completed my graduation from a reputed institute. Did it with a respectable academic record. Had my share of success and a little fame. And finally earned an enviable job.
So… that’s good enough reason for being happy.

It’s been over a month now since I left my alma mater. Said a couple of mushy goodbyes. And then off I went to one of the best holidays in the recent times.

Udaipur… the city of lakes. Wow! That’s the word. Splendid lakes, beautiful palaces and breathtaking architecture of Jain temples made the trip a memorable experience. Add to that the pleasure of the company of all the cousins, and it was something I wont forget easily.

I wont forget??!! You wouldn’t wanna trust me with that.
Haven’t I forgotten everything about the institute already? Everything I achieved (obviously for my inner self), everything I learned (about life), all the friends I had, all the closeness with some of them… everything that mattered to me like hell that time. It’s all gone. Or is it?
I don’t know. I don’t feel anything. I am not nostalgic. I am not missing anything or for that matter anyone... those whom I have cared for the most and those who have cared for me so much.

That makes me cold? May be.

But then why do I feel sad every time I go to bed at night?
I have NO recollection of past whatsoever. So why is that so many times I have that empty feeling inside me like something is missing?

I am tired. I am tired of so many mood swings, so much thinking and most importantly of so much confusion about the connection between my immediate past and present. What is that one thing that is making me feel incomplete?

It took me over a month to decide to write about it. Probably it will take an entire lifetime to understand.

Final meeting @ EDC

http://iitr-edc.blogspot.com/

...!

It’s 2:15 at night.
I lay motionless in my bed, awake. Staring. The body seem to be as light as a feather except for the weight of my soul.

The soul has been there, trapped for what seems like an eternity, wanting to break all the shackles, wanting to be free.

My mind is blank as it was on the day I was conceived.

It’s like my very being is at war, conflicts within me are tearing me apart. A soul, which wants to break free; a mind that gave up all it had earned over years; the entire existence is at stake.

Yet now, I feel secure, free from all the barriers. In my eyes are dreams of an utopian world, the world I have always been a part of. The restlessness of my soul, the betrayal of my intellect is nothing but a way of my heart to avenge its grief because it is not the physical materialistic world that it seeks but a life full of dreams in a land full of austere beauty.

Peace! Why?

I will probably never understand The way I think. The way I feel. The way I understand. The way I am. I have no reason for this strange peace within me. But it can do a world of good to a person who is so unaware and so unsure of himself.

Carpe Diem

Carpe Diem
“Seize the day”
Will I keep wondering for ever? The words that are waiting to come out… the words that have waited for so long! The vent for the tempest in me… it’s now or never.

Emotions- love, sorrow, romance, passion, pain- they have all dawned upon me in the last few days with such a ferocious intensity that my tiny being was left perplexed yet undaunted despite all the atrocities inflicted on the ever unsure self of mine.

It’s my audacious heart, who guides me through this mind boggling network of all human emotions. The sweetness of this feeling, or should I say bitterness or sourness for I am still confused as to what characteristic should I attribute to it; this feeling is so strong, so full of passion that even at the cost of all the pain in the world is worth all that.

The very embrace of such a feeling has made me so strong that all the ambivalence inside me which hitherto was the root for my loneliness has now lost its meaning.

So if it was all so good, so nice why am I still confused?
Well, may be because I am unsure of myself. I am not unsure of what resides in the deepest of me but what comes out of it. Our actions and their reactions are results of so many factors in the universe that there are hardly any times when we respond to an external environment in a way that truly reflects us. And this is the reason that I rarely let myself out of my mind to venture in the form of words that others might understand.

Yet again, it will remain buried inside me; I will continue to be an enigma for my soul can’t communicate alone; it needs another to reciprocate. It is thus the end.

But what if there is something ere the end… what about the possibility of reciprocation… what about Carpe Diem??

...confused

They say i am freak, but its just that i dare to take a sneek peek into your hearts. I am in and out of you, around you or may be i am looking at this page right now being YOU !! . . . .

Confused...? Well thats what I am. I am confused becacuse of the ambivalance of feelings inside me which dont let me break free of the shackles of this intricate and mind boggling network of human emotions.