This time in past

Am not sure if I want to write this. Or rather write anything at all.

Well of course everything is fine and good!
I have completed my graduation from a reputed institute. Did it with a respectable academic record. Had my share of success and a little fame. And finally earned an enviable job.
So… that’s good enough reason for being happy.

It’s been over a month now since I left my alma mater. Said a couple of mushy goodbyes. And then off I went to one of the best holidays in the recent times.

Udaipur… the city of lakes. Wow! That’s the word. Splendid lakes, beautiful palaces and breathtaking architecture of Jain temples made the trip a memorable experience. Add to that the pleasure of the company of all the cousins, and it was something I wont forget easily.

I wont forget??!! You wouldn’t wanna trust me with that.
Haven’t I forgotten everything about the institute already? Everything I achieved (obviously for my inner self), everything I learned (about life), all the friends I had, all the closeness with some of them… everything that mattered to me like hell that time. It’s all gone. Or is it?
I don’t know. I don’t feel anything. I am not nostalgic. I am not missing anything or for that matter anyone... those whom I have cared for the most and those who have cared for me so much.

That makes me cold? May be.

But then why do I feel sad every time I go to bed at night?
I have NO recollection of past whatsoever. So why is that so many times I have that empty feeling inside me like something is missing?

I am tired. I am tired of so many mood swings, so much thinking and most importantly of so much confusion about the connection between my immediate past and present. What is that one thing that is making me feel incomplete?

It took me over a month to decide to write about it. Probably it will take an entire lifetime to understand.